Tag Archives: a step onward and upward

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How I Know God Pulled Me to Colorado

The wilderness preacher's spiritual journey

To get to this most beautiful place you must break through the fence or better yet, head for the open gate!

About 4 or 5 years ago, I was facing a fence that couldn’t be crossed.  I was fed up with church/religion.  Sick mentally, physically, and spiritually from all the “going thru the motions”, the “I’m fine”, the “play church, it’s good enough for me” crowd.  Sharing with you from a person level here……and hoping it makes sense and that you will relate to it.

No, I wasn’t burnt out, I wanted to be on fire!  I wasn’t sick of people walking around and acting like they are dead, I wanted Me and them to come alive with this Christian way of life.  I wasn’t tired of hearing/talking/reading about Jesus in church, but I wanted more than a history lesson.  I wanted more. I wanted a living, loving, real relationship with my Lord and Saviour.  So I asked God could I have one.  I said a MOST POWERFUL prayer to receive this spiritual awakening.

Here it is.  I said, “Lord, HELP me!”   ……… and HE did!!

Out of the blue, I felt a pulling to go to a “men’s retreat”.  (I know now, God had a hand in all this, but at the time I was just seeking answers.)  The Noble Heart had this calling retreat.  Their goal, “helping you realize the life you are designed to live that brings life to others”.  Being what God created you to be!  That’s what I’m talking about!

So, at the “What’s Your Calling” session we had to gather pictures of things that we had a passion for.  Naturally all mine were outdoor pictures, a few pics of family…………… and a picture of two young girls.  Why did I pick that picture?  Well, it haunted me because from their body language I could tell they didn’t want to be there.  Someone was making them sit for the picture. They were being made to sit, stay, do something that they were not the least bit interested in.  They had cute faces, but that didn’t hide the scowl, nor the fact that they were wanting to be somewhere else.  And this……. it reminded me of ME in my church activities.  (Lightning hasn’t struck yet, so keep reading.)

I was asked a most troubling question at this retreat. (shout out to Jeff) Jeff asked me, “Tell us your story.”  HUH??  “Tell us what God is doing in your life, how you live each day being what God has created you to be.”

I’m fifty something at the time.  I’m an answer man at church.  I can quote scripture, give advice, have a prayer for you, tell you what you may be needing to hear.  But tell MY story.  I’ve never been asked to do this.  I broke down.

I broke down because I realized that for the first time in my spiritual life it’s not what I DO.  It’s what I BE.  I have lived my whole life doing good things, helping others, etc,etc.  But now Jeff, Gary, Sam, Ralph, and the other men are being used by God to help me. Help me to understand. My simple but powerful prayer was being answered.  God was more interested in a relationship with little ole me than the list of “good” things I was doing.

Jeff suggested that I get away.  “Religion”, not the true Christian walk had poisoned me.  I agreed.   So did God.

When hard pressed, I cried to the Lord; he brought me into a spacious place.  The Lord is with me…….  Psalm 118: 5-6 NIV  

Yep, That’s how I know God called me to Colorado.  You can’t get anymore spacious than that.  But what God did and continues to do for me spiritually is this…………….. He left the gate open!!!!   Woo hoo….Yea boy!

   

Spiritually, I had to come to Colorado so I could concentrate on BEING with God. (not so much on the doing).  I experienced true Christian Love at Horn Creek church camp.  I had a one on one discussion with my Lord and Saviour in an 1800’s era outhouse of all places.  (Best worship service ever for me!)

But most of all, I came ALIVE!!!  I wanted more out of my marriage, my work, my everything.  It wasn’t anything I did, it was all God and His love for me.

So,………. is there a fence between you and a Truly living, loving relationship with Christ?  What’s keeping you back from this abundant life?  It’s a big bad fence, I know, six strands of barbed wire, electric, with razor wire too.  But friend, hear me…….. God knows where the gate is,……and He’s leaving it open for ya!!!  What are you waiting for?

You may not physically be pulled to Colorado like I was, but I’m bettin’ you need God to get you to a most “spacious place”.  That for you could be on the back porch, the woods out back, that favorite tree.  Maybe it’s just beside the coffee pot.  Somewhere where you can feel God’s presence. God’s a lot bigger (and spacious) than we truly let Him BE! Go where you feel His Love, His Will.  It’s where You can just BE!   Then all the doing will fall into place.  And the best part about all that Doing!  It’s all done on the other side of the gate!!!! 

See Ya!!  Dan Ainsworth wilderness preacher, living in a spiritually spacious place!

 

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I Want To Fly,…… But I’m Afraid of Heights

How to Live a True Spiritual Journey by Letting Go

Well, I did it!  Scared of heights,but I did it!

Staci, Jamie, Jordan, and I took on an adventure of a ropes course. (thanks to my close friend June, for gift card…shout out to Elevate Red Creek in Perkinston, Ms).  The course consists of following a “path” 15 to 40 feet above the ground.  Various obstacles must be crossed.  Climb over a wooden bridge dangling by only ropes.  Strap in to a zip line that carries you across a  river.  Climb, pull, twist, grab, jump,….. whatever it takes to get across.  You are safely harnessed, YOU WILL NOT FALL.  Right……………………

We had to go through a ground school to be able to “play”.  We had to sign “the form” so all lawyers would be happy.  This form basically says, “You are taking your life into your own hands.  Don’t do anything stupid.  There are consequences.”  We had to listen to Donna explain the “rules”.   She told each of us how to buckle, how to clip in, how to do what it takes to have fun, (and stay alive!).  I loved how she casually mentioned that if I didn’t do one particular thing, I could die.  Well, that’s just great!!!!!!!

I am deathly afraid of heights.  Get me 4 feet off of the ground and I freeze up.  No, it’s not something I can control.  I know in my head that all is “OK”, but somewhere between the brain waves of my head to the nerve endings in my legs there is a HUGE disconnect.  My legs will not work.  But most crazy of all,…………. my hand will not let go.  I can be on a 6 foot ladder, or an outside elevator, a balcony at the hotel, or the edge of a cliff, or ON A ROPES COURSE!!  Wherever I sense that I’m above the ground,  I freeze.  I can’t move.  I can’t let go.  I’m stuck.  Laugh all you want.  Call me a chicken or scaredy cat.  Don’t matter to me.  At the time, I don’t care.  Cause there is a problem,….. I want to fly, but I’m afraid of heights.

Knowing my self and my “fear” situation, I choose to boldly go where I never choose to go on purpose.  That’s right, I’m on purpose choosing to be four feet above the ground.  (Actually, I’ll be 30 feet and higher on part of this course)  My right hand is “freezing up” as I type this.  All is well, I’m actually having fun with my family on this outing.  Then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, I’m overwhelmed with fear.  Yep, the hand won’t let go, the legs won’t move.  I’m stuck.  Part of me knows that I will not fall.  But a part of me (that controls my hand and legs) has shut down.  Now a part of me is embarassed.  I knew it would happen.  Everybody, and I mean everybody at the ropes course now is watching and taking interest in me.  I’m the perfect example of one of “those people”.  One of those people who are afraid.  Me afraid?  I’m down right petrified, embarrassed, unable to move, and well, mad at myself.

While I’m stuck on the rope ladder like a fly in a spider’s web, a crowd of people have somehow from somewhere gathered.  My family, other families, workers and crew, and the owner/director of the place himself……… Mr. T J.

To be honest, I was expecting to get laughed at, picked on, and in a friendly way, made fun of.  But I was hearing lots of voices.  Voices of encouragement saying “C’mon Dan da Man, You can do it!”  Voices of motivation, voices of support, voices of inspiration all were being heard by me from my loved ones.  I was hearing from complete strangers.  We were in this together,………… and yet, I couldn’t move.

Then I heard God’s voice.

OK, actually, it was T J’s voice.  He’s the leader of Elevate Red Creek.  With a calm reassuring voice, (as if he had known me for years), he said this.  “Dan, you’ve got this.  Take your left hand and move it eight inches to the left.”

When you are scared of heights, to move eight inches you might as well be moving eighteen feet.  For me to move just this small amount, not even noticeable to others, I must do something TOTALLY against my own way of thinking.  I MUST LET GO.

That’s why us “scared of heights” people are like that.  We can’t let go. Fears take control.  I KNOW that I won’t fall, but still there is the fear.

The big step here is not moving my hand eight inches to the left.  The big step is in letting go.

Colossians 3:2 Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.

The biggest step in becoming a Christian is a step so small that it may not be noticeable to others.  You and you alone must hear God’s voice above all the other “voices” of this world.  You and you alone must realize that God can direct and control your life even better than what you might have planned for yourself.  Fears may still be there.  It sometimes may seem totally against your own way of thinking.  But to follow Christ on this Christian journey you’ve chosen, you must take small steps.  Before God Himself can get you to “move your right hand eight inches”, you yourself must do something so small, but at the same time so HUGE that it changes your path forever.  You must let go.

Easier said than done, I know.  It involves trust, faith, letting go and taking each day one step at a time. (even eight inch steps one at a time!)

I enjoyed my time at Elevate Red Creek.  I faced my fears, I made small steps into an adventure filled with more small steps.

I’m enjoying this Christian Journey I call living my life as well.  I face my fears, I make small steps everyday following God’s will and direction.  It’s an adventure.  A Holy Spirit filled adventure.  Not because of who I am, but because of who God is!!  Care to join with me in this Christian way of life?  It’s easy!  Well, ………… first you have to let go.

See Ya!  Dan Ainsworth wilderness preacher

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Would You Eat Here?

God's Love (spiritual food) is a Gift to All

Yep, there are 3 fly strips above the salad bar!   Flies, gnats, bugs, … critters of all kinds are stuck on the sticky tape and……….. Staci and I just lost our appetite.

We were traveling somewhere in the middle of nowhere west Texas when I got hungry.  I really enjoy driving off the beaten path.  It’s a great way to enjoy the scenery, see small towns, and even meet new people.  Most of all, it’s a great way to find small “Mom and Pop” restaurants that 9 times out of ten are exceptional with their food.

Uh Oh. This was the 10th out of ten.

We opened the door at 10:58 am.  Lunch is served, starting at 11.  Immediately upon entering we are greeted by (Vern), a man in his 50’s who is mopping up a mess.  “Come on in” was his welcome in a friendly voice.  But he quickly resumed mopping and discussing and cussing his current situation of having to clean up a mess that he himself had caused.  I’m guessing that his day wasn’t going smoothly.  Course, I really didn’t need to guess as he was diligently telling me how he hates cleaning up “messes”.  In between his cussin’ and discussin’ Staci inquires as to what food tastes good in his place………….  It couldn’t have been easier, or harder, if we had been FBI agents conducting a raid and investigation.  Every question she asked, (Vern) would beat around the bush, talk about his other foods, and continue to complain about the mopping.  What was puzzling to me was how he kept saying that we were early and that the “normal” lunch crowd would be there  any minute.  He also said that they sat at “THOSE TABLES” there.  (I can read body language, he was telling us we couldn’t sit in THOSE 5 tables because they were for the normal people, not us)

This was getting interesting.  There were three items for lunch listed on the hand written sign.  We both picked “Southern Fried Catfish”.  He said “Good choice! Now give me a few minutes to go catch ’em, then clean ’em, then cook ’em so you can then eat ’em.”  I started to volunteer to help “catch ’em”, but I was afraid to leave Staci by herself.  Ok Ok, I’ll admit it.  I was afraid to go anywhere alone with this guy.  He was beginning to give me the “Heeby Jeebys”.  This decision (mine mostly,) to stop and eat here was beginning to look like a bad idea.

The fish must not have been biting, cause it took a long time before our meal was ready.  (It’s now 11:20…. still waiting……, oh yea and there are no “normal lunch crowd” there yet.  none, nada, zip)  (Vern) does come out after a while and asks if we would like a salad while we wait.  “Sure thing” we both say.  Might as well eat a salad WHILE WE WAIT!!!

I tend to get amused when things aren’t going as pictured or planned.  Staci, well, she is welling up inside (I can tell) and will pretty soon be giving someone(VERN) a piece of her mind.  Uh oh.

Vern proudly takes us over to the salad bar.  It’s empty.  “S%&#” he yells. “Forgot to put the stuff out”.  He quickly comes back with the containers of salad bar entrees.  Salad, beans, carrots? maybe?, cole slaw, and some kind of liquidy green substance that wasn’t stirred up very well.  AND………and it all was only half filled, as  it appeared to be left overs from the night (or week) before.

First time I ever saw Staci pass on a salad!  Me, I filled my plate up with lettuce and cole slaw.  I passed on the liquidy green substance because, well it reminded me of the pond scum and moss where I had fished two days earlier.

“Not hungry, sweetie?” I asked, relishing the moment, knowing that I wouldn’t hear the end of this for a long time.

Staci had a look of dismay and disgust on her face.  “Did you see it?” she asked.  “What the pond scummy stuff”? I wondered.  “Nooooo!  The fly strips under the salad bar cover”  (time out)  Under the “sneeze guard” of the salad bar, there were three lights.  Wrapped around the lights and hanging down, were three fly strips.  They obviously were hanging down, because they were loaded, weighted down with flies, bugs, gnats, and…….. I think I saw  a grasshopper!!

No salad for her,……….. I think I’m gonna pass on that cole slaw now.

11:40  Here comes (Vern) with our fish plates.  Staci is already looking pale, nah it’s more of a bluish color.  I begin to eat the fish……….. or at least try to.  But Vern wants to know where we are from, what we are doing, who we voted for, why are we where we are.  I can’t eat for trying to talk.  It’s then that I realize Staci is striking up this conversation just so she DOESN’T HAVE TO EAT!

The fish wasn’t that bad.  At least mine wasn’t.  Staci’s pretty much remained on her plate.  She did pick at it.  Looked like a 13 year old  picking at broccoli.

I’m normally scolded by my wife for eating too fast. But today, she is quickly up from the table headed for the door, (still talking to Vern).  I stop to take a quick picture of the fly strips.  (I’m hoping (Vern) doesn’t see me).  He doesn’t, he’s too busy telling Staci how he does this, that, and the other.

I meet him at the counter to pay.  (Staci is doing her stretches which means she’s fixin’ to bolt out the door).  I wanted to ask ole boy Vern where the “normal lunch crowd” was and why we couldn’t sit at their reserved spots. (It’s now 11:50 and we are still the only ones here!!!!)   But, I knew that might be opening a new can of worms……. and in this joint there apparently were plenty of cans of worms.

Staci and I literally run out of the doors  to our car.  (Forrest Gump would have been proud).  We exchange looks at each other while sitting in the car and both of us burst out laughing.  What had we just experienced?   Dunno!

My brothers, show no partiality as you hold the faith in our Lord Jesus Christ, the Lord of glory. For if a man wearing a gold ring and fine clothing comes into your assembly, and a poor man in shabby clothing also comes in, and if you pay attention to the one who wears the fine clothing and say, “You sit here in a good place,” while you say to the poor man, “You stand over there,” or, “Sit down at my feet,” have you not then made distinctions among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts?  … James 2

What did this event teach me?  Well, the 10th out of 10 restaurants is not a place to go if you are hungry.  And friend, also this.  You yourself are on this Christian journey.  You yourself will meet others who are “spiritually hungry”.  My hope and prayer is that you (and I) will always be willing to share this Christian way of life.  I hope we don’t become “obsessed” with the mopped up messes and the critters and flies in our lives.  If we are obsessed with all the bad around us, then we can’t give the “good spiritual food” that you and I could be sharing with others.  That’s what this event taught me.

Oh, and one more thing this event taught me.  I didn’t know Staci could still run as fast as she did running out of the cafe.  40 plus years I’ve been chasing her,……… and I still can’t keep up.

See Ya!   Dan Ainsworth  wilderness preacher