Lazarus He’s Gone, Or Is He?

Lazarus, the red-tailed hawk, has reached the end of his journey with me. Or has he?

Early October was when our paths crossed. His path was leading him 6 feet under because he was a goner. My path was giving me an avenue for much learning about this hawk and his fight for survival.

Lazarus had suffered from external injuries such as broken wing feathers. Internally, damage from parasites had needed mending. His desire to survive had fought through his obstacles. The spunk he possessed had inspired me to go above and beyond with his treatment.

The pen was Lazarus’ safe place, his very own Higher Ground. A place of peaceful solitude, a resting place, perhaps just a place where nothing had to be rushed, allowed him a complete recovery after the molting of his feathers. My schedule involved a lot of travel, so I had recruited a good friend, Brian, to care for Lazarus while I was away. My time away allowed a bond to grow between Brian and Laz.
Brian and I had seen the spirit within this bird of prey. His regained strength was noticeable when he clasped the glove firmer each day. Laz would greet each of us in anticipation of his next nutritious meal. Lazarus’ improvement gave us fulfillment. His flights grew longer. Lazarus’s physical changes showed evidence of his rebuilding. We’d remember numerous occasions when conversing with a hawk didn’t seem crazy after all. The rekindling of life, whether bird or man, gave new meaning to everyday activities.
Lazarus’ freedom day transformed into a reunion for friends keen on observing his initial flight returning to nature. We had opened the gate. Several moments passed before Lazarus had realized he could fly away from the pen. With a few flaps of his restored wings, he had flown to a nearby tree. His return to this wilderness location occurred quietly. Seeing him casually settled on the tall pine had produced satisfaction in the crowd. A few waves goodbye, and some pictures of his departure signaled the end of this bird’s restoration. Lazarus’ finale with humans had taken place. Or had it?

My last thumbs-up to Lazarus served as a salute in two ways; the happiness of his complete recovery, woven into the blues of us parting ways.
 Over the past months, my whistling to him, Laz meeting me at the gate at mealtime, his chomping his beak with anticipation, all were thrills given as our bond had grown strong. The bond that had formed would now dissolve, as no physical interaction between man and hawk would keep it flourishing.

When asked if Lazarus still soars the valley near Higher Ground, subconsciously I go to the part of my brain that contains all the images and memories of my favorite hawk. There’s the image on a frosty October morning when Staci and I had picked up a lifeless bird. Lifeless, except for what had radiated from his eyes. Another picture etched in my brain is the selfie I took with me and Laz. He flew within inches of my right shoulder. He perched on his favorite limb beside me just to hang out, to say thanks, to just be with me. That moment, in Colorado’s wild, a hawk’s presence revealed my own untamed spirit’s goodness.

His rehabilitation period was for eleven months, from early October to the following September. Atrophied muscles slowly strengthened back into a powerhouse for providing sustained flight. His wing’s damaged-beyond-repair feathers molted, and new high-functioning flight feathers replaced them.
Feathers previously eaten away by parasites revealed bare patches of skin, exposing him to the harsh elements of Colorado. The eleven months of time allowed for healing. Newly grown feathers have now covered Laz from head to talon. He’s even taken on a much darker tone as he’s matured. People shown the before and after pictures of Lazarus had sworn it’s two different birds.

It was. One picture showed him on the verge of death. His body was so lifeless that he could barely stand. The other picture showed him on the fringe of a new frontier. His eyes blazed. The fire spread through his reconditioned feathers. He felt ready for life’s challenges.

The day before Lazarus was transported to Brian’s property for his future care, proved to be bittersweet. . Resting on the ground was one of his red tail feathers. That feather has become a special ornament on my fishing hat. A part of Laz goes with me now on my continuing journeys in the wilderness. The red tail feather now adorning my hat is proof of the connection Lazarus and I share.

Do I truly see Lazarus in the valley? It’s a fun conversation topic with people. Folks around Westcliffe know me as that ‘ hawk guy’. They’ll comment about seeing a hawk who didn’t seem afraid of them. Maybe they were walking by one in a field, or they saw one perched on the light pole at the town post office. Is that possibly your bird? I can truthfully answer, yes, that’s my bird.

My favorite bird is the red-tailed hawk. Just what they represent to me. So if you see that hawk, just remember you are looking at my hand-picked choice of all the feathered friends we get to enjoy.

Should the question focus on whether it is indeed Lazarus, then my response would be no. So much vast open country in Colorado and neighboring states, he could be anywhere. It would be exciting news to know where Lazarus would choose to call his home territory.

I remember a few years ago my son called me with his exciting news. As luck would have it, I was in this Wet Mountain Valley enjoying the view of this spectacular range of mountains. I remember it so vividly because of the substance of my son’s phone call to me as I was driving.

“Dad, Jill and I have something to tell you!” my son Jordan announced. Those words over the phone send a father’s brain into overdrive. “What’s up?” was all the response I could give.
“We wanted to share with you before telling others. We are getting married.”

The bond I have with my son is precious and strong. So strong that he wanted me in on one of his proudest days.
 I’m still celebrating.

I bring up my son’s good time with me because of this.

Reasonably, my tenure with Lazarus has ended. Or has it?

Late in the afternoon, I’m once again enjoying the never-tiring view of the Sangre de Cristo range of mountains. This rewarding view is being seen as I sit in my favorite chair resting on my front deck.

From the valley floor south of me, high in the bluebird sky, blows in the unmistakable sound. “Kkrrrrrrrrr”, the sound fills my ears with a sweet-sounding proclamation of an approaching red-tailed hawk. He’s soaring effortlessly in the warm thermals, circling with the air currents that keep him aloft. My eyes watch him as he dances high above. Such a gift God has given me to be in tune with and appreciative of his awe-inspiring creatures. The hawk has intentionally removed himself from the thermal and is flying towards me. Still several hundred yards away, but I wonder. I give my best version of a red-tailed hawk’s call, hoping for a response.

“Kkkrrrrrrr”, I whistle. Immediately I’m met with a hawk’s cry from above, but coming closer. “Kkkrrrrrr,” I almost knock the chair over as I stand and grab onto the log railing of the deck. “Kkkrrrrrr,” I repeated. “Kkkrrrrrr” comes an immediate answer. I quickly took my phone from my pocket with my free hand and started recording a video. Could it be?
 It was highly convenient that my grasp still clenched the log railing as I almost fell backward. The hawk is less than 100 feet away, showing off its maneuvering skills. He is darting and catapulting in the air, showing off his God-given abilities. Witnessing this extraordinary aerial event at Higher Ground; my breathing and possibly my heart stopped.

Flying even closer now were not one, but TWO hawks, circling together! They performed acrobatic interlacing with their flights. One would dive and the other followed. Flapping of wings in unison signified that they were a team. These hawks appeared committed to each other forever.

I’m still celebrating!

Lazarus the Hawk: From Near Fatal to Far-Away Freedom

Pitiful. It was the only way to describe the condition of this wild red tail hawk. Covered with parasites, emaciated from lack of food, this bird was just hours away from death. In my gloved hands I’m holding a fatigued, lifeless body. I’m debating whether to end this poor creature’s struggle. Putting him down would be the obvious decision to end its suffering.

Screenshot
notice his damaged right wing

  But that’s when I saw it. Those eyes. Fierceness was glaring from its eyes. The fierceness it takes to come alive!

Just another normal day here in Westcliffe, Colorado. Normal until the phone call from a good friend. Mike tells me that his dog just caught a hawk. He wanted to know if I would want it. 

Mike knows I am a master falconer. I’ve flown birds of prey for 25 years. I’ve never hunted with a hawk caught by a dog, though. Either that dog can jump high and fast, or this bird is near death.

New falconer-raptor pairings create excitement. We normally trap a wild bird of prey to begin our journey and relationship together. Falconers take a wild bird and within less than a day the bird will eat from the falconer’s hand. “Manning” involves birds of prey learning their human partners bring no harm but share in the adventure of coexisting with this majestic creature for a period.

Staci and I arrived at Mike’s with anticipation and a bit of dread. Nature can be cruel. Remember her number-one rule. It’s the survival of the fittest. When an animal in the wild gets hurt, sick, or diseased, it must overcome whatever has befallen it. Or well, survival of the fittest.

We take the hawk home. Staci and I are both concerned about this hawk’s condition. I’m an outdoorsman and an avid hunter. Strange as it may seem to some, I have a tender heart as well. I want to help this bird. This hawk can’t even struggle to get away from me. It just sits lifeless in my lap.

I have prepared small bits of raw chicken soaked in water to feed the hawk. Hopefully he will eat, but his listlessness is giving me worry. He doesn’t even hold his wings up. They fall droopingly by his side. The hawk has a damaged wing. The last four primary feathers are gone. Losing this many feathers will cause any bird of prey to not be able to stoop, maneuver, and most importantly, fly to safety.

What happened to him? Most likely he got sick and weakened so much that he couldn’t hunt. Birds of prey have to hunt to survive. They eat meat. They don’t eat a salad! Once he got in such awful shape that he can’t hunt, his condition became critical.

I carry his exhausted body to the mews built by me for my birds used in falconry. It’s a fenced-in pen where he (hopefully) can one day fly around. It won’t be today.

Jesses and anklets go around the hawk’s legs. Then, jesses and anklets attach to a leash. Picture your dog with a collar and a leash. In the same way, I can then control this hawk to stay near me and perhaps on my glove, like all other wild hawks I’ve caught over the last 25 years.

Poor bird doesn’t even resist my fumbling fingers placing the anklets on him. He’s in terrible shape. A healthy red-tailed hawk will weigh from 2 to 4 pounds. His weight showing on my scales as I weigh him: just over a pound. This is bad. But there’s something worse. He’s covered with flat flies and bird lice. Strange how in nature parasites can appear from nowhere and find the weakest of the weak.

The parasites have already damaged many of his feathers beyond repair. Feathers on his breast and belly that normally provide warmth are half eaten away by parasites.

Seeing the lice and flat flies crawling over him causes me to recoil. I’ve accidentally had bird lice and flat flies crawl onto me before when handling birds. It’s more than a creepy feeling. Even now, I’m itching under my hat, on my arm, on the back of my ear. Whether it’s just my imagination or a parasite, stripping and a shower before I enter my home is in order.

I set the hawk on the ground. He collapses into a ruffled bundle of feathers. He attempts to spread his wings in a defensive posture. Instead of presenting a scary spread-eagle stance, he exhibits all his damaged feathers. Instead of displaying a dangerous set of talons, he rests on his side with his talons flailed out helplessly in front of him.

 A calm and reassuring voice is about all I can contribute. He gets a gentle nudge from me to position him in an upright position. He will probably not survive.  But those eyes. The fierceness in his eyes.

The hawk doesn’t move as I sit on the ground next to him. Still scratching my beard from possible parasites, I reach out with a morsel of food. Gently I place the piece of chicken in its mouth. Hawks instinctively open their mouths when they are on the defensive. He’s too weak to bite me as I placed the meat in his mouth. For a few moments, neither of us moved. I then gently force the meat into the back of his mouth.

It’s up to him now. He will not receive nourishment if he refuses to swallow. I can do only so much for him.

He swallows! Thank ya Lord! He swallowed the morsel of food! It’s hard to tell whether he realized I was feeding him. It’s probably just an impulse to swallow when there is food being crammed down your throat.

I pushed three more bits of meat down his throat. Then we call it a night. Forcing more on the first day would not benefit him. His body may not digest his meal. He could go into shock. A step forward, yet many potential issues loom.

It was a restless night with little sleep as I waited for the morning light to arrive. What scene would unfold when I arrive at his pen? Half expecting a dead bird, half expecting a hawk lying unconscious, I entered with a bowl full of cut-up pieces of chicken. There he stood! He remained motionless as I sat down beside him. I couldn’t help but talk soothingly to him. A bit of joy swelled up within me as he blinked twice, trying to focus on me. Again, those eyes reveal something more than just to exist from within this bird of prey.

I placed a piece of meat within an inch of his beak and remained motionless to see his response. An immeasurable amount of joy brought a smile to my face when the hawk bit the meat from my glove and swallowed it. 

Quickly now I place bits of meat close to his beak. Just as quickly he devours them. We are on the right path, going in the right direction now. 

This hawk, on the second day of our journey, has gone from near-comatose to having a 50 percent chance of survival.

Day three was interesting. When I arrived at daylight to give him food, he had somehow crawled his way to a limb sitting on the dirt. He was using this as a perch. One more sign that he was returning from the dead. I placed a tasty piece of meat in front of him. With lightning speed, he reached out with his talons and clawed my gloved hand. 

You’ve heard the expression, “hurt people hurt people”? Well, hurt hawks hurt people as well. This was a wonderful reaction from this hawk, though. The alertness in his eyes was now accompanied with a defensive snatch of my glove. Good, he’s now aware of his surroundings.

One fascinating truth that falconers understand when training their hawks; don’t look at them. Only look at them using your peripheral vision. It’s best to see them from the side, not from the front. See in the wild, if a hawk is looking at another animal and the animal is looking straight back, one of them is getting eaten. Kill or be killed.

I don’t want this hawk to feel uncomfortable. I want him to relax. Over the next several days, he becomes conditioned to my movements. 

His diet that he’s being fed will always comprise meat. I vary the types of meat to give him various sources of minerals, vitamins, and most of all energy.

After seven days, his condition had improved tremendously. He even steps towards me to grab a bite of meat. This is important as it shows he’s trusting me. 

Why haven’t I named him, you ask? I didn’t want to jinx his progress from the grasp of death. My son shared with me that his name ought to be Lazarus. 

The Bible tells of Lazarus rising from the dead. It seemed fitting, so Lazarus it is.

Lazarus became accustomed to me. Suspiciously, it would take him a moment, but then he would hop to me. His damaged wing prevented him from flying long distances. He eventually would flap five or six times to propel himself awkwardly to my glove holding his meal.

Because of his damaged wing, I could not release Lazarus back into the wild. He would need new feathers. Hawks molt their feathers late in the summer. I committed to rehab Lazarus into the next year then release him.

Hawks are not pets. They remain wild. Even when falconers catch and use them to hunt, they automatically return to their wild way of life when released. Licenses and various permits are required to possess a bird of prey. This keeps you and them safe. Let me repeat: they are not pets.

A bond grew between Lazarus and me. I want to say it was affection or a bond of love. You need to understand, though, that in my falconry career I have had several hawks and owls. They view their human partner as a refrigerator. The hawk that is being used in the sport of falconry is free to fly away if it so chooses. The hawk realizes, though, that I have a chicken leg in my pocket. When we are on a hunt, if we don’t have success chasing a rabbit or squirrel, he knows I will call him in for a KFC raw chicken leg treat!

The bond between Lazarus and me was truly from love. At least from my point of view. Lazarus taught me so much about life. He became a way for me to understand spiritual matters.

Think about this. Two entirely different creatures, a hawk and a man, form a bond and share life with each other. Reminds me of two other creatures. God and me. The mystery is immense, but somehow a Holy, all-powerful God brings me back from the dead and creates a bond with me. Because of His love.

Did Lazarus love me? 

I was sitting at the other end of the pen after feeding Lazarus a belly full one day. This was about a month after we began our journey (and relationship) together. It was basically just a quiet time for me. You’ve had these quiet times if you’ve got pets or animals. Whether it’s your horse, dog, cat, or even the chickens, haven’t you had a reflective time just being around them?

Here’s what I will never forget. There’s even a selfie to prove it. Lazarus, a wild red tail hawk, was pretty much dead. Because of me, he gets a new lease on life. Lazarus and I sharing moments brought immense joy. What exhilarated me the most was when Lazarus flew within inches of me and landed on his perch. He did it on impulse, without prompting. I will forever say because I felt it in my soul, that Lazarus flew over to me as if to say, “Hey thanks friend.”

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18

See Ya! Dan Ainsworth, wilderness preacher, and falconer

Next month’s blog….. The release of Lazarus back into the Wild! stay tuned

Lessons from a Fly-Fishing Master

Meet Jim Kilburn, a master at the art of fly-fishing. God put this man in my path, literally. Driving down a Colorado gravel road, there is a man and a lady walking in my direction. I slow down my truck (probably speeding) and recognize who this couple is. It’s Jim, the fishing Guru and his wife June, right there in front of me.

I’ve heard about Jim. Several people in Westcliffe, Colorado, had told me about this man whose fishing knowledge was unsurpassed. This guy knows how to fish.

See, Jim is a master at fly-fishing. He has fished with guys that have written books about fly-fishing. Jim himself could write his own books, but I think he spent all his time fishing rather than writing about it. I must reach out to this gentleman.

What goes on inside my brain, I can’t explain. (Neither can my wife, Staci.) But in super important times for me, like the one happening now, my brain locks up. My hands are vise-gripping the steering wheel, my heart adds several beats, and my mouth suddenly goes dry.

When interacting with other humans, people use and expect a certain protocol. Start a friendly conversation with a warm hello. Share a bit of small talk with one another. Not me, not today.

The truck rolls to a stop next to Jim and his wife. Seeing this legend of a fly-fisherman before me, I hurriedly roll down the window. My conversation begins with, “Hey there, sir, can you teach me to fly fish?”

No protocol, no warm greeting, just a request from me asking a favor. Now I’m arguing with my own brain about the mishap in communications that I’ve just made.

I’m preparing to hear him say anything. Anything like, “Well, someday”, or “you’ll have to get back with me”. I’m even prepared to hear Jim say, “No, I don’t have time to teach someone like you.” But he says, “Sure, be glad to. I can go in the morning”. Now I’m nervous. The Master will instruct me in fishing techniques. The next morning, we arrived at a secluded mountain lake. Sage growing in the nearby field gives the morning crisp air a fresh scent. Does he teach me how to fish? Well…………. first he taught me some knot tying. I’ve tied knots all my life, but Jim had several knots he says are the best…. and they were. Despite my clumsiness, I felt the Master’s patience while he showed me, many times, how to tie knots. We tied flies to the leaders, which led to tying leaders to the fly line itself.

Does he show me how to fish? Well, now we study the “bugs” found beneath the submerged rocks. He shows me nymphs, and well, I don’t know the names of all the “bugs and worms and critters” that he is showing me. While their names elude me, I now know their appearance. My fly selection matches the lake’s natural inhabitants, and these will serve as bait. I’m fixing to catch fish!

But first… Jim shows me how to cast a fly rod. I’m in heaven! Jim is in his glory! I’m witnessing a man using his fishing rod as if directing a symphony. The rhythm of his cast, coupled with his smile, and line curving behind him, then powering forward to its target. I’m caught staring in amazement. Then Jim says, “Here, use my rod, now you try it”. Uh oh, uuhhhh, now it’s my time to mess things up.

I’m whipping the rod, popping the line, but hey, I’m casting. Jim, who understands and has a teaching heart, patiently guides me. It’s becoming obvious to me now that Jim has a love for fly-fishing. So much love that he will give of his time to be with me on this fishing adventure.

He has been standing far away, (so that he won’t get hit by the barbed hook while I’m casting), (or should I say whippin’, flapping’, jerkin’, popping his fly rod). He walks over and says the most unusual thing. “Listen to the rod. Hear the whoosh the line makes as it’s being cast.”

Well, knock me down with a feather (or an 8ft 6weight fly rod). I hear it! By hearing the “whoosh” sound, I’m able to get the “rhythm” of the cast. It’s almost magical the difference this has made for me. The transition from mechanical action to sensing the joy of watching the fly touch the water. In these brief moments I’m no longer a man holding a fishing pole. I’m a fly-fisherman showing confidence with each cast of the fly. I’m ready to catch fish. Bring it on! But wait…

Has Jim taught me how to fish as I asked of him? He instructed me on knot tying, insect identification, casting, water reading, wading, and fish stalking. Now he’s teaching me how to fight! This day had started with a terrible, hard-blowing wind. I expected the master to call off today’s fishing adventure because of the hard wind. Instead, he shows me how to fight… yes, to fight the wind. Wind may ruin a lot of fishing days for some folks, but not Jim. And now, not me. I’ve learned techniques to battle this foe.

Enjoying having learned so much more about fly-fishing has rewired my brain so that it’s now functioning on four of the six cylinders available. (That 5th or 6th cylinder is a rare occasion for me.)

On our spiritual journey, just like this fishing adventure, we must come to where we ask the Master for help. What we sometimes don’t realize is that our Master is helping us live this Christian walk. But it’s the small things that make the journey. God’s time with each of us is priceless.

Did Jim teach me how to fish? Has my Heavenly Father instructed me in Christian living?

I think in both instances the realization came to me. It wasn’t my learning that was important, but the spending of time with the Master…… Jim in my fishing adventure, and God in my Christian journey.

I’m sure that I should write more concerning this subject. But I’ve got fish to catch…… and a Christian journey waiting to be explored. Good luck. And fight that wind!!!!!

Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. Matthew 6:33

See Ya! Dan Ainsworth wilderness preacher, apprentice fly-fisherman, apprentice Christian